Yes, I'm complaining
I know, it's been a while. I'm just not a "daily routine" kind of guy.
You know what other kind of guy I'm not... (I know, you blurted out "straight!" Ha Ha.) I'm not a social guy. Now, here's the problem. Back in late Junior High, I decided "I wanna be a social guy and have lots of friends." That seemed great for a someone who was shy and introverted, and I spent the next couple decades making lots of friends. Now, however, I am 31 and I want to spend lots of time sitting by myself and reading or watching TV or playing on the computer. Except now I have lots of people pissed off when I don't want to hang out with them.
Before anyone gets mad, let's establish a few points. I'm writing this because I need some advice. It's not that a) I don't like my friends, b) I don't want to hang out with my friends, or c) my friends aren't important. It's just that I have lots of friends and when they can't or won't all hang out simultaneously, it gets a little draining on me. Having lots of friends is AWESOME. It's just that I don't have time to have an all-day hang-out fest with every single one each week. Yes, sometimes I can hang out one-on-one and make a day of it. But sometimes I can't. Because if I spend all day with Friend A, that means I'm not spending time with Friend B, or Friend C. And it really makes me feel like shit when Friend A gets pissed off because I take ten minutes out of our all-day hangout to talk to Friend B when he/she calls, or both of them get pissed off because I'm busy next weekend hanging out with Friend C.
--I'm posting this on here, because none of my local friends (the ones where this is a real problem) read my blog, so they don't know I'm talking about them, by the way.--
So, help me out people... what do I do? How do I tell Friends A-C, etc. that I don't want to hang out all the time? They all get upset when I spend time with someone else, but I don't want to stop spending time with all of them, and they can't or won't hang out with each other? I can't get them to merge, and it's driving me crazy. Especially since the only thing I really want to do lately (when I'm not RPGing) is SIT HOME ALONE!! But if I ever do that, they ALL get pissed off. I want to be an introvert again.
Oh, and I'm also upset lately because it seems like the only way I can talk about myself is to complain. Why don't I ever have anything to say when nothing's wrong? Isn't self-esteem fun?!
Oh, and I had a smoking relapse. Trying again to stop, but I'm really out of willpower/discipline right now, and it's getting stressful at work. Oy, my life is too nice to suck so much. I don't understand.
posted by Adam @ 5:57 PM
5 Comments:
When you say your friends won't merge, are we talking like how the five lions 'merge' into Voltron, or maybe how the five Destructicons 'merge' to form Devastator? Either way, if your friends either can't or won't give up a little bit of thier selfish ways to grow together for make a giant-ass robot, I say it's time to make some new friends.
Except, you know, keep the few you have in Oklahoma... ;-)
Ok. Let's be clear here. I would like to complain about the following: I do not live near you and you STILL do not make time to hang out with me on Skype. So where does that leave me? I don't rate a hang out, and then I don't even rate a rant on your blog...
Anyway, I'm with Jay. If you're not friends with tubby-ass yellow left leg, or that nerd of a green proto-harry potter right arm, then you need to call the doctor and schedule a series of invasive friendectomies.
Unless they're the same friends cooking at Thanksgiving, in which case, hang on to them through the holidays. You'll get more presents and I'll get some grub when I'm there to visit.
Or you could get forensic about it and define friend, such as one that generally remains within that term regradless the passage of time or distance.
To be clear, if friends mean "people you hang out with constantly", then I have no friends. On the other side, I still consider less than 9 out of 10 people in my past want me dead, so there's something to look forward to. Friend falls loosely under "those who know me yet still maintain respect despite that". If you are looking for more, perhaps "companions" (or comrades, captian) might be better toast than broad-laced english.
Then again, you could always take Doc Holiday's genial view: Until they ask "Don't tell me we're not friends anymore..." - at which point a six piece might be best for closure. Some people live their lives that way, and the word has digressed in language to the point I rarely grant it much regard. Perhaps 'homie' is apt replacement, given the world at its present state.
I suppose its up to your standards. What is a friend, after all, in a world of moderation and convenience.
Take the advice of a military man. Look to the battlefield if you want friends willing to live and die for your sake. Expect little more in the 'World'.
In the end, what they think is what matters. What time do you have to give it thought, nor should you, beyond your kindness and concern for them.
H.M. Stryx
Make sure your local friends are less needy like some of us that live far away ;oP
Love ya my Adam-friend!
(hugs)
Dude, I have no idea who you are, but I somehow ended up on your blog, and I have to say that I have a similar problem. I'm using the pair-'em-off approach, and so far it's been going great. You just take a little time to let all of your friends develop close relationships with each other that don't necessarily involve you. Pair 'em off. If you do it right, they won't even know you're doing it. Anyway, I'm going to post this anonymously, because otherwise you and I might start talking about similar experiences and end up developing a friendship. Ugh. =)
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