Unrealizations

Long Time, No Here

2005-10-26T21:49:00.000-04:00

Hey, I know it's been a while, but I'll someday be able to do this on a regular basis. (Insert mocking laughter here.)

This must be the Month of Old Friends. First, Bobbie and Kim come to visit me over Columbus Day weekend. Five days later, Jay comes up to visit and go to the Stratford Shakespeare Festival. Then a couple days ago, Josh calls to tell me he'll join the Go-Tard Thanksgiving Get-Together (GTTGT). Then, to top it all off, Angela calls me up out of nowhere, when we haven't talked in almost a decade. Nice surprises (okay, the visits from Bobbie, Kim and Jay were expected) all around.

Bought Harlem Nights and To Wong Foo on DVD for $5.50 each this afternoon. That's fun.

Otherwise, I'm unbelievably busy, which shouldn't really surprise anyone, as that's my normal state these last several years. I thought college professors were supposed to have it easy.

So here are the things making me happy right now:
Chad Michael Murray and Jared Padalecki unbelievably hot.
Speaking of Jared Padalecki, "Supernatural" is turning out to be a pretty good show.
The Order of the Stick is one of the best online comic strips ever.
Role-playing wise, I'm currently loving playing Necessary Evil, a game where you play supervillains who have to save the world after aliens manage to kill off all the superheroes. Here is a pic I did of my character, Phosphor . This game is unbelievably cool. Just so people can see some of my recent artwork, I'm also including a pic that I did recently for the Changeling game I've been playing. My Photoshop painting has been developing nicely. I just wish I had more time to paint. Well, that's it for now. It's fun having friends. I love my friends. I dare anyone to prove that they have better friends than I do. It can't be done, because I have the best friends in the history of friends.

Yes, I'm complaining

2005-09-18T17:57:00.000-04:00

I know, it's been a while. I'm just not a "daily routine" kind of guy.

You know what other kind of guy I'm not... (I know, you blurted out "straight!" Ha Ha.) I'm not a social guy. Now, here's the problem. Back in late Junior High, I decided "I wanna be a social guy and have lots of friends." That seemed great for a someone who was shy and introverted, and I spent the next couple decades making lots of friends. Now, however, I am 31 and I want to spend lots of time sitting by myself and reading or watching TV or playing on the computer. Except now I have lots of people pissed off when I don't want to hang out with them.

Before anyone gets mad, let's establish a few points. I'm writing this because I need some advice. It's not that a) I don't like my friends, b) I don't want to hang out with my friends, or c) my friends aren't important. It's just that I have lots of friends and when they can't or won't all hang out simultaneously, it gets a little draining on me. Having lots of friends is AWESOME. It's just that I don't have time to have an all-day hang-out fest with every single one each week. Yes, sometimes I can hang out one-on-one and make a day of it. But sometimes I can't. Because if I spend all day with Friend A, that means I'm not spending time with Friend B, or Friend C. And it really makes me feel like shit when Friend A gets pissed off because I take ten minutes out of our all-day hangout to talk to Friend B when he/she calls, or both of them get pissed off because I'm busy next weekend hanging out with Friend C.

--I'm posting this on here, because none of my local friends (the ones where this is a real problem) read my blog, so they don't know I'm talking about them, by the way.--

So, help me out people... what do I do? How do I tell Friends A-C, etc. that I don't want to hang out all the time? They all get upset when I spend time with someone else, but I don't want to stop spending time with all of them, and they can't or won't hang out with each other? I can't get them to merge, and it's driving me crazy. Especially since the only thing I really want to do lately (when I'm not RPGing) is SIT HOME ALONE!! But if I ever do that, they ALL get pissed off. I want to be an introvert again.

Oh, and I'm also upset lately because it seems like the only way I can talk about myself is to complain. Why don't I ever have anything to say when nothing's wrong? Isn't self-esteem fun?!

Oh, and I had a smoking relapse. Trying again to stop, but I'm really out of willpower/discipline right now, and it's getting stressful at work. Oy, my life is too nice to suck so much. I don't understand.

Weaving Dreams...

2005-07-28T16:11:00.000-04:00

Hey everyone,
Just finished the fourth and final day of Dreamweaver camp. Lots of fun. It was pretty basic. I could've learned a lot more in four 1.5 hour sessions, but the workshop was full of a bunch of "those" people. You know the ones. They're exceptionally smart except when it comes to computers... then suddenly they don't know their ass from their elbow. There were, like, calculus and chemistry professors in the workshop, and yet... "Wait, so where is the server, exactly?" and "How do I copy those files again?" Aaarrgh!! Computers are complicated. They are not mystical. Why do so many people have mental blocks about basic computer functions?
If you'd like to see the results of my labor, check out my new Professor West's Website. Not bad for 6 hours of work, eh? I'll try to redo my portfolio site soon, but my friend Lea was going to redo it for me and then she went to Prague, so I don't know if she's going to continue it or not.

In other news... I had two drags off a cigarette on Saturday night. I then gave it away willingly, completely unimpressed. Now, this does not mean that I don't constantly want to smoke, but I have discovered that I have plenty of resistance when actually faced with it. I could have smoked that entire cigarette, but didn't want to.
Disregarding those two drags... tomorrow equals one month. I've even been off the patch for nearly a week.

Is this serious?

2005-07-22T17:54:00.000-04:00

Three weeks. Today makes three weeks without smoking. As a reward, Sci-Fi Channel has decided to air Firefly, starting tonight. As an added bonus, they're showing a new episode of BSG. See... Sci-Fi channel cares about my health. They're proud of me. They are rewarding me for my discipline and dedication. They love me.

If anyone else wants to send gifts, they'll be welcome, but don't feel like you should. Sci-Fi Channel's got you covered.

And in case anyone's wondering, that three weeks is without cheating. Not even a drag. Not that this is easy, but I'm kicking ass.

Two Weeks... Twooooo Weeeeeeksssssuh

2005-07-16T07:04:00.000-04:00

Anyone get the movie reference? Granted it doesn't work as well written as spoken, but my head doesn't split apart and turn into a bomb anyway, so I guess it doesn't really matter.

Anyway, it's been two weeks now. I haven't even cheated. Primarily because no one up here smokes, or they're really good friends and won't let me have one. Otherwise I would've cheated! No shame in my game... I want a cigarette bad! It's not bad enough that I'll go buy a pack (although I consider that about once an hour), but it's bad enough that if someone gave me a cigarette, I'd smoke it. Good thing I don't buy the whole "sins of the heart" thing, because my heart is LUSTING for tabacky. But I have not sinned with my body.

So the other thing going on is that I'm having a sort of obsession with a song. "Everyone is Changing" by Keane. I don't know why, but I can't stop listening to this song. I have the CD in my car, and I try to listen to the rest of the CD, but it's weird, because in between each other song I have to listen to Track 6 again. I think about this song day and night; I get this strange glaze over my mind whenever I hear it. It's almost like I go into a trance or something. When I hear it, I feel like I'm living in some strange alternate reality where everything else slows down and becomes more significant and hyper-real. I can't explain it, but this song possesses my very soul. PS: I now know how loud my car stereo goes, and if you've never had your car on maximum driving down the highway at 74 mph with the sunroof and all the windows open with this song on, you've not truly felt the depth of emotion.

Or maybe I'm just freaking out because I want a cigarette so bad.

Dennis Blows, I Don't Suck

2005-07-11T10:41:00.000-04:00

So, first of all, my sympathies to anyone who was hurt or suffered negatively from the Hurricane Dennis thing. That being said, however... when do we stop treating Hurricane Devastation in Florida as though it were something special. Do I expect sympathy for a foot of snow? No, because it happens so often, everyone knows better. There's no sympathy for a level 4 in Oklahoma, because anyone there should know better than to say "WHY ME?" Why you? Because you live in goddamned toronado alley! So, Florida... sucky day, kids, but, you can't say last year didn't give you an idea. So build stronger houses, or move. Emily's on her way.

In other WTF News: it has now been 9 full days since I have had a cigarette. As if that isn't amazing enough, yesterday, I (ready for this?) forgot to put on a new patch, and it was actually fine. I'm now wondering if I'll be okay just quitting the patch now. I don't know if I'll try that or not, though. I just don't want this time to be another false start.

The worst part is the habit. I just feel like there's this thing that I'm supposed to be doing, and just can't. It's really strange because it's this thing that I've done about once an hour or more, every day, for the last ten years.

Another thing that's bugging me as I'm awake at a rare (for the summer) 7:00 A.M.-- It's so annoying when the local weather guy says "Thanks, Al," and "Back to you, Al," when Roker hands over to the local weather report. Does he really think anyone believes that he and Al are good friends, or even in contact? Why can't he say "Good morning," or "Back to Al." We all know that Al Roker has no fre--WOW, Sgt Scott Haines of the Santa Rosa Florida County Sherriff, is HOT!!!--sorry... has no freaking clue who Rich Caniglia of Rochester's WHEC is, and that they're not in personal communication while doing the weather.

Well, that's what's got me going this morning.

Cool!

2005-07-11T08:43:00.000-04:00

Directed Energy Weapons?? Star Trek gets closer every day... Now if we could get our society to progress as quickly as our technology.

Gonna be a bumpy ride

2005-07-01T23:41:00.000-04:00

Hi, long time no post. Yeah, yeah, I know. I suck.

Watching Lewis Black on TV right now, while biting on a pen that has the ends taken out and the ink and ballpoint removed.

Why, you ask?

Because I'm working VERY VERY VERY VERY hard at not smoking.

For those of you who read this, please don't tell other people that know me. I'm trying not to let anyone around me know for a while until I can get things a little under control. I'm on the patch, drinking lots of water, working out with Galad on FitTV. I've been pretty good about not eating constantly, too. Day One is almost over. I took a sleeping pill to help me go to sleep.

This blog may soon become a Quitting Smoking Journal of some sort. Maybe I'll just write something on here whenver I get the urge. Or maybe it'll be another month before I put something else on here. Who knows.

Man, Lewis Black is funny.

Argh

2005-04-01T11:36:00.000-05:00

I am SO freakin' TIRED!!!

Sorry, I just had to vent about that. Insomnia flaring up lately. I'm now sleeping in jeans with the light on to try and fool my body into thinking that it's daylight, because I never have a problem feeling sleepy in the daytime. It's helping a little.

I think I'm a vampire.

Dates and Dates

2005-03-28T23:46:00.000-05:00

So, I had a date. It's been over a year, but it's nice to know the break must have improved my skills, because it went really well. His name is Shaun and he works with autistic people in Buffalo (how adorable is that?). He's really sweet and a lot of fun. We're going out again this Wednesday. I'll keep updates coming. PS: He brought me a Cadbury caramel egg. Major points.

In other news... my birthday is coming up. I'm going to be 31 years old. Seems a little strange. (It's this Saturday, April 2, for those of you who didn't know that. Kyle, now might be a good time to send those Enterprise DVDs.)

Well, that's it. I'm going crazy with too much work to do and not enough time to do it, but otherwise having a good time.

Some Stuff I Did

2005-03-15T20:02:00.000-05:00

So I'm really pleased with things today, despite the fact that it cost a LOT of money. Basically, I spent the whole day tracking down debts and confirmation of debts paid. I've nearly paid off all debt except for my student loans and my car. There's only a little bit more to take care of, and I will hopefully have it all gone when I get paid for the extra show I'm designing right now.

Speaking of that show... after 6 times working on my favorite Shakespeare play--Twelfth Night--I finally get to be the Costume Designer for it. What's even better is that I get to be a part of the concept development. It's going to be really fun, if I can survive it. I have another show opening the same week, so my April is going to be pretty crazy hectic.

Well, Beth just arrived and we're excited because I got my cable turned back on today and we have 4 episodes of season 2 of THE L WORD to catch up on. PS: She brought Taco Bell over, so we can have tacos while we watch our lesbian show. For those who don't watch The L Word... you should! It's amazing.

End of February Update

2005-03-02T12:34:00.000-05:00

Hi everyone. I've been insanely busy, which is why I haven't been posting lately. We're opening a Dance Concert tomorrow, so I've been trying to get that costumed. I really kinda screwed it up, too, so these last two weeks have been hectic.

I've now screwed up the GOOD ankle, so I'm walking with a cane today, but it's not nearly as bad as the other ankle, and I think I'll be able to go off the cane tomorrow. It wasn't a really bad sprain, so I'll be okay. I probably need to go to physical therapy to strengthen my ankles, but who has the time or money? Maybe this summer.

Speaking of summer, I am planning on a decently long trip to Oklahoma, probably sometime in May. I should be able to stay about two weeks. I'll want to spend some time with everyone, but I've learned the hard way that trying to see everybody, even in a two-week stretch leaves no quality time. 30 minutes isn't enough to really visit anyone. Jay, I'm probably going to stay in Tulsa area with Michael for several days, so we need to find some time where just you and I can hang out. Find us something cool for just the two of us to do. We can also plan some hanging out time with others, but I want some J-Time all to myself. I'm also planning on at least a full week in Ada, so we can try to hang out with Paul and Jared too. I'll give you more details as the time gets closer and I figure out when I'm going. HINT: It will probably include Memorial Day weekend, so you'll have to help me with an excuse to spend as little time as possible with the family until AFTER the dreaded reunion is over. Maybe we can go to Dallas or something.

I will soon be able to dig myself out of the financial hole that I'm in, and that means more time and money to travel. I might try and pick up a part time job for the summer, even though I still get paid from my teaching job. While that will limit my travel time, it will greatly increase my finances, since I can live pretty comfortably off of my regular salary. But I want to spend at least two weekends a month on trips, including NYC, Columbus, LA and OK. I'll let relevant people know before I plan trips, so I can make sure I get to see people.

I guess that's it for right now. Work is going well. Still single, which is boring, but not entirely unpleasant. Take care, everyone.

When Will We Finally Say "Enough!" to Wal-Mart?

2005-02-17T15:42:00.000-05:00

Wal-Mart is apparently running ads for Black History Month (February, for those who don't know), praising the Buffalo Soldiers of the Civil War.

It's one thing to praise black soldiers, but one of the primary jobs of the Buffalo Soldiers was helping to carry out the systematic attempted-genocide of Native Americans. Of all the Black History out there that is noble and good and righteous, why is Wal-Mart praising the men whose job was to help exterminate another non-white population? As to whether or not the Buffalo Soldiers deserve respect or pity, I can't say, but do we have to focus on a moment in a people's history (that wasn't even a moment of progress for them!) at the expense of glorifying the destruction of another people?

I know, I know... what can you really do? We're not going to stop going to Wal-Mart. I'm going to, but it's not going to make even the slightest dent in their success. But at least make others aware of the despicable irony of this and do what you can. Please.

Cantankerous

2005-01-24T21:58:00.000-05:00

OK, so I've gotten to be pretty hard core in my 30s. Now, most of you know that I've always been pretty easy-going, often a pushover, occasionally just a downright pansy. In the past when people have gotten on my nerves or even insulted me, I would just roll over and complain to others. No longer! Badass Adam is here!!

So recently, this unpleasant person that I work with went behind my back and did something unacceptable and unprofessional involving students on my wardrobe crew. Now, if she had been rude to me, I probably would have let it blow over, but DO. NOT. FUCK. WITH. MY. WARDROBE. CREW. So with the feedback and advice of two of my colleagues who have known how this person is (this is apparently a pattern in her behavior), suggested that I write an e-mail and tell her what's what. I did. She whined to the department chair, and wrote back saying I was nasty to accuse her of inappropriate behavior, and so one of my colleagues wrote her and reamed her to back me up. Point is, the students I was defending were willing to dismiss it, because everyone knows this person is horrible and people just let it go. I however, pursued it and made it clear that this kind of behavior is NOT ACCEPTABLE just because everyone else has let it go. So now this person has been told quite clearly that no one supports her but they damn sure got my back. It's nice to have the experience of finally standing up to someone and having an entire group of people who've only known me a few months rally around me in support.

Meanwhile, an old friend recently got in touch with me. He immediately put all the focus of the conversation into getting him hooked up with someone he used to be interested in that I was still in touch with. Well, then he sent her some e-mails that were so forward that she got really freaked out, all the time, calling me like 20 times over the weekend. Needless to say, that kinda freaked me out too, especially since many reading this know how much I hate the phone to begin with. Anyway, instead of just letting it go, I told him to fuck off and not contact either of us again. Harsh? Yes. But I'm sorry, I just don't have time for people and their freaky shit anymore. I could have told him that she was not interested and continued to be a little weirded out every time I talked to him, but I just don't care about putting up with weird shit anymore. I've got plenty of friends who don't get pissed off and call incessantly for hours when I can't answer the phone.

Moral of the story? Yes, I'll still put up with a lot of shit, but DO NOT fuck with my friends or my students. Because Pansy-Ass Adam has been replaced by a 30-year-old, terminally single, badass mother-fucker, who will not put up with it. Welcome to the new Adam.

A good day

2005-01-21T18:41:00.000-05:00

Just so I can never be accused of using this blog primarily as a form of whining and moaning, I just wanted to say that I had a really good day today. Now, I love my job, but I don't ordinarily feel that competent. Being a teacher is very demanding, and the expectations the students have of me to be smarter than they are is occasionally unreasonable. I'm often not much smarter than they are, I just have a little more experience. Anyway, the thing was, today I really felt like a teacher. I had a very good class this morning, really connecting with the students and even though I went completely off my lesson plan, I think they really got a lot out of it and learned some things. I also gave a talk to the juniors and seniors about graduate school, and really felt like I had a good effect. That's all. I just wanted to say that I really felt good about today. Hope everyone else had a good day, too.

Marriage is Great Juno's Crown

2005-01-19T21:43:00.000-05:00

So, something on yahoo news caught my attention a few minutes ago. Many of you know my great love of Shakespeare. Many of you also share my great love of another foreign authors, who are nearly as amazing in their use of wit, literary timing and poetic genius. I refer of course to the Barenaked Ladies. Well, the marriage of two of my greatest poetic loves has finally arrived. The Barenaked Ladies are composing original music for Shakespeare's "As You Like It" to be performed at this years Stratford Shakespeare Festival. I assure you I will be attending. Feel free to read the news story below:
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=89&e=2&u=/playbill/20050119/en_playbill/90670

Other things that are making me happy right now...
I crack up everytime I see Geico's suite of "Caveman" commercials. Brilliant. Also, I save over 55% by switching to Geico. The two things are unrelated. I switched my insurance before these commercials aired.
I watched Comedy Central's new game show Distraction this afternoon. As a game show, most of it is just "enh", but the thing that really made me happy... after they narrow it down to the last contestant who wins a brand-new car, that contestant has to answer five questions. For every question he/she gets wrong, the three people who lost get to damage the car. The one I saw tonight, they got to poor paint all over the roof and bash in the windshield with a sledge hammer, all while the "winner" watches his brand new car be destroyed. Now THAT is funny.

That's all for me right now. Later

New York blue

2005-01-18T20:42:00.000-05:00

OK, for those of you down in the south, you may now laugh at me for being a Yankee. When I went to work this morning, the temperature was in the single digits. It was SO FREAKIN' COLD! Yes, I walked into the building today and thought blissfully about my friends in Arizona, Texas and Oklahoma, and thought about how it must be really nice there. I know, I know... all of you in those places are thinking "But it was freezing here!! We were in the 40s!!

To that, I say: Pussies! The temperature here right now is 0 degrees, with a wind chill of -14. So, don't complain about 40s. I would LOVE 40s. So, laugh it up, fuzzballs. I'm cold.

However, before you start laughing and thinking that I'm stupid for living here... just remember that NY, unlike Arizona, Texas and Oklahoma... is a blue state. Right now the blue refers to the color of my skin, but you know what I mean.

Coffee and Tea

2005-01-15T13:27:00.000-05:00

I just want to say how much I absolutely LOVE coffee. I've actually been up late at night and had the thought: "Ooh, if I go to bed now, I'll wake up sooner and I'll be able to have coffee!" Weird, I know, but it's just so damn good!

If any of you ever see a flavor called Rainforest Crunch... try it! I think it's the best flavor of coffee I've ever tasted. I don't know exactly what the flavor is, but it's pretty amazing.

On a related note, I don't know how many of you are familiar with my story of the perfect iced tea, but I'll recount the details. At a Greek restaurant in downtown Indianapolis, I had the greatest iced tea of all time. It was so good, I asked them what brand it was. They said it was a brand called China Mist, and I haven't been able to find it since. Apparently, it's only available for restaurants, so I haven't had it since. If anyone ever happens to find out anything more about it, please let me know how I can get some. I swear, I never thought that I would become excited about a brand of tea, but I can't even begin to explain how amazingly crisp and smooth it was. Well, that's my story. There ya go.

Eastern Artist's Block

2005-01-10T00:24:00.000-05:00

I can't write! I can't draw. I can't seem to do anything creative. I don't have time to do anything creative when school's in session, because it's a little too busy--which I'll go into in a minute--and now that I'm on break, all I can do is watch TV and play Morrowind. Everytime I open up the word processor or pick up a pen and pencil, all that comes out is nothing worth reading or looking at.

Why is it that any time I have time to draw or write I can't seem to do anything? Whenever I'm too busy to be creative, I have all these great ideas. I mean, images of amazing things to draw fly through my head, and I have such incredible story ideas... and then... I get nothing.

OK, so about work... I thought that I would be working and I would have all these opportunities to do great renderings and build exciting costumes that were original and interesting, and maybe even write a few articles about all the things about theatre and costumes that excite me. I know that was a little overly idealistic, but I thought that maybe at least 20-30% of my time would be spend doing the things that I love most about design. I was wrong. 99% of my time is spent dealing with paperwork and guiding my students through the process of just barely getting by. My budgets are crap, my time constraints are ridiculous. I don't get any time to do the parts I like best.

Don't get me wrong, I still love my job, and it's nice to wake up and be excited about going to work, but more and more I feel like there's so much of this that I don't want to deal with. I want to deal with theory. I've never been a big follow-through guy, but come on. I don't even get to deal with the theory at all. It's just nothing but follow-through. I'm just getting frustrated. I'm sure I'll enjoy it again once I start back, but I hope the summer isn't just like this winter break has been.

Up all night

2005-01-06T07:09:00.000-05:00

So, it's seven in the morning. This is when I went to bed the night before. I slept from 7am to 3pm the night before, and from 3am to 6am this last night. It's driving me up the fucking wall! In addition to my chronic insomnia (and I think I have a slight phobia or at least aversion to the idea of bedtime), I have a rat that gets into my kitchen at night.

Now, I love all creatures, but I'm ready for this rat to die. I'm adding rats to my list. It's my list of creatures that may be killed on sight when in my personal space. Some of them, like in the case of ants, are killable simply because there are so damn many of them that it doesn't matter. Others, like mosquitos, deserve to die for simply existing. Now, I know about ecosystems and I don't want any kind of mosquito genocide. They can live all they want as long as it's in rainforests and jungles where I don't go. But if I can catch them, I kill them. So now the list includes:

mosquitos
ants
flies
rats

All other animals, I would prefer they be left alone to do their thing. There's no real reason to kill most creatures. Even spiders. I know a lot of people that think all spiders should die, but spiders like to eat two of the four creatures on my list, so in my book, that makes them okay. Spiders will die under special circumstances, however. If they are in my bed or on my person, they die. Any other location in the house, I try to just put them outside. The other animals on the list though... they are open game.

So please, next time you see a rat, kill it quickly and say "That's for aggravating Adam's chronic insomnia, bitch!"

Oh, and Jay, I think I told you my one Snoop Dogg joke, but just in case:

Q: What does Snoop Dogg use to get his whites so bright?
A: Blee-yatch!

... now I told you that so I could tell you another one:

Q: Why did Snoop Dogg need an umbrella?
A: For drizzle, yo!

Fat

2005-01-01T22:28:00.000-05:00

So, I was recently spending my evening in an unusual way: I was playing on the computer while the cable was on in the background. OK, so this is how I spend every night since I had wireless set up in my apartment. Anyway, it was on SHOtime, and I was not paying real attention, when suddenly I hear one of my favorite songs, one that is QUITE obscure, coming fromt the TV. For those of you unfamiliar with the Violent Femmes' "Fat," you are really missing out.

Of course, who is really reading this, other than Jay and Patrick. Nevertheless, Jay, Patrick, if you don't know "Fat," you've got to go download it now. It's one of the best songs ever.

Anyway, the reason I'm bringing this up is because I don't understand why straight men don't find fat women attractive more often. The connection is because the song is on a commercial for Kirstie Alley's new show "Fat Actress." Well, Kirstie is freakin' gorgeous! She looks absolutely beautiful and I love that she's owning her fatness. I've also been watching HBO's Carnivale, which is an amazing show, by the way. (The whole first season is currently on HBO On Demand, and you should check it out if you can.) Point is, one of the main characters is the Cooch dancer Rita Sue, who is a big woman and also beautiful.

So I'm seeing more and more big, beautiful women on TV, and I think it's great. Maybe we're finally moving away from this idea that women should have the body of a 12-year-old boy to be attractive.

Open Letter...

2004-12-18T18:30:00.000-05:00

So, I've sent this to several of my friends, but I thought it also might be good to post it here. This letter was written in response to election day, and all the disappointments contained therein.

*****

To whom it may concern,

I literally cried at election results this morning. Not the presidential election, which is very disappointing to me, but about state after state banning same-sex marriage. Meanwhile, Britney Spears can have as many 3-month marriage/divorces as she desires. Nevertheless, I and others like me represent the "true" threat to the sanctity of marriage.

My home state, Oklahoma, was among those passing such a law--by 76% of the vote. 1,075,069 people in Oklahoma think that I am a threat to their way of life. Of the 346,355 that don't see me that way, a mere 2,857 of them are from my home county of Pontotoc. The measure passed in Pontotoc county by eighty percent. Eighty percent of the county’s voters, have resoundingly said that I am not worthy of equality. I assure you, I personally know at least 1,000 people in that county. By percentages, that means only approximately 200 people that I personally know in my home county welcome me as a full citizen.

What threat did I ever pose to the others? Many of those others are my family, "friends," people I went to church with--people who have hugged me or shaken my hand, or even spoken of their love for me. How many of them have lied? At the very least, they're guilty of ignorance... of me, of my life, of my worth. How do I go there again, hold my head high and greet them? The next time I visit my home town, 80% of the people I meet will have betrayed me. What have I done to deserve that?

Nevertheless, I will return. If for no other reason than to have a positive effect on my young nieces and nephews, who will hopefully, one day, be able to cast their vote to repeal this insidious and unnecessary law of hatred. And when they do, they will do so because they will know their uncle as a brave and worthy man who was not ashamed to be himself, and who refused to believe the worst in people. Even those who chose to hate him.

Sincerely,
Adam M. West

Why the hell I'm doing this.

2004-10-31T14:19:00.000-05:00

I swore that I would never own a cell phone.

I have a cell phone now.

I also swore that I would never "blog."

You're now reading this.

A few hours ago, I received an e-mail from my friend Jay, and it mentioned his blog, where he had written about me. I went and read it, and it made me painfully aware of how much of his life I miss out on, because we don't live near each other. So, just in case there are people out there who really want to be able to hear my inner thoughts the way I've now been able to catch up on some of Jay's, I thought, maybe I should do this too.

Jay has been my longest and most loyal friend, no matter how irresponsible I am with his friendship. He's forgiven me more neglect and mistrust than I can even describe, and for 18 years now, he remains my best friend. I only hope he knows that. Maybe now he will.

I have a lot of "best friends." I don't make any apologies for several people receiving that title. Jay has the singular distinction of being the oldest of those who share that position. The fact that there is more than one "best friend" in no way diminishes the role--particularly where Jay is concerned. But no one has been my best friend for longer than he has, and that will not change. Since we were 11 years old, Jay has been by my side, at my back and in my bidness. For that, I am eternally grateful.

Jay, your Transformers led you to transform my life. Your Mask toys helped me start unmasking myself. If ever you believe that you have had no purpose or direction in life, remember what started with a shared love of action figures. For without your friendship, I would never have had the strength to live my life the way I have. Any success or happiness I have, I owe to you. Just because you aren't the only influence in my life should never take away from the fact that you were an essential one. The first stone in the foundation is always the most important. Now you know. And knowing is half the battle.